a desire...to desire

"no amount of discpline or exercise or reading will do if there is no desire"

It's funny...when I first became a Christian, I used to think that if I achieve "this" much of spirituality, I would be happy in life. And then the further and deeper I chased God, I realized I could never get enough of Him. I just cant wrap my head around this God who provides everything that I need, who quenches my thirst for life...who let His son carry my sins on His shoulders so I could have a relationship with Him.

But sometimes, do you ever get so drained from...life, that you somehow "lose" the desire. I mean, not really lose your faith, but just kinda...standing there? It's like a one man race; you're running and running but every so often, you get so tired, that you have to walk, or even stop to hunch over and catch your breath. And during times like that, you start to think about your life and where it's going, about God, and about what His will for your life is. You start to wonder if you're running the race in the right way, or if you're doing it all wrong. And then, when you figure it all out (or what you think is all of it), you sort of forget how to run, how to use your legs, how to get back into the momento.

So right now, I've come to a place in my spiritual life where I feel I'm "starting over" again. Learning how to pray, learning how to read my bible, and learning how to seek after Him. All the while, desiring to have that deep, overwhelming desire and passion for my Lord, Jesus Christ.